9 Types of People Who Kill The Mood During Sex

There are a lot of "dos" and "don't s" during sexual encounters that most people have little trouble following. But some types of people, on the other hand, always do something that can't resist them and kill the mood during sex.. Here are nine of them.



9. The Over-Attentive Waiter
“How’s everthing? Good? Am I putting too much weight on you? Is this position okay? Oh, are you okay or did you make that noise because you like that?” It’s fantastic that you care so much about your partner's enjoyment, but when you feel the need to check in every time you move your genitals, it starts to take a hot situation and make it feel like you’re a waiter trying to butter them up for a 20% tip because rent's due tomorrow. Just check in at necessary times and if they want dessert, they’ll order it.


8. She Who Keeps Pets in the Room
Pets don't give a rats ass about your intimate moment. If there is something going on some get curious and have to find out what, so they start running around, jumping on the bed. The owner might not be bothered but for the visiting guy it can be annoying.


7. The Guy that Answers Rhetorical Dirty Talk Questions with Serious
Responses
Dirty talk is like playing in a coed softball league: it’s a fun activity, but if you take it too seriously, you look like an asshole. Dirty talk questions are part of a fantasy that makes sex hotter. Therefore when a woman asks you five times in a row, “How do you make me so wet?” and you give a real world answer like, “I don’t know, maybe the angle.” And even though you whispered it in your sexy voice, it’s a real answer and thus, kills the mood.


6. The Person Who Doesn’t Turn Off Their Cell Phone
When you have an erect penis, or a stimulated vagina, the last thing you want to hear is a midi version of Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide.” Cell phone rings are intended to get your attention, that’s their job, so leaving one on while you have sex is basically the same as bringing your mother into the room and asking her to scream, “Hey! I have important news about your cousin, Kyle! He got into Brandeis!” over and over again while you try to reach orgasm. Which you would never do, unless you were German.


5. The Screamer
On the surface, a woman who's so totally into and is screaming sounds like a great sexual experience. But in actuality, it's more terrifying than hot when you stick your penis inside a woman and she starts screaming like a hyena trying to locate its young. The only thing going through your mind is, "Are the neighbors going to call the cops? Do they think I'm killing her? Is she faking this? Is there something wrong with my penis? Is she enjoying this? Is she terrified? Are the cops about to kick in my door? Shut up, please. Oh my God, I'm going to go to jail. Jesus Christ, will you just be quiet for a second?"


4. The Guy Who Learned All His Bedroom Moves From Early ‘90s Slow Jams
If you were a boy born in the 70s, then you probably went through a phase of listening to “slow jams” by guys like Al B. Sure and Keith Sweat who said exactly what they were doing to a woman as they were doing it to her. But in real life, no woman wants to have some dude try to be really deep and stare at her straight in the eyes as he says, “I am laying you down on a bed of the finest red roses by candle light, drawing you a bath of organically grown herbs to relieve you of the day’s most tiring troubles. Now I’m performing an ancient love ritual of yoga body bends before rubbing my lotions all over naked, quivering back.” While most ladies like a little romance,450 they don’t want a Joe Buck-style play-by-play before, during and after intercourse.


3. The Cryer
Sex can be emotional, sure, but penises aren’t able to tell the difference between tears of joy, and tears of fear or sadness. And fear and sadness kill boners like they were trained to do so in a secret C.I.A. program. And if you’re a man and you start crying during sex, the first thing your lady is going to think is “a priest and/or uncle has been here before me.” Pedophilia kills the mood for everyone but pedophiles.


2. Mr. Hold On Let Me Put On This Dave Matthews Album
It’s great to create an atmosphere that’s conducive to love making, but running over to your computer and tossing on your “Pussy Rock Jams 2007” immediately makes your special lady feel like she’s at her junior prom and you’ve been waiting since first grade to touch her breasts. Plus, pussy rock is like Nazism, you either really like, or you really don’t. And if she’s one who doesn’t, then all she’s going to be thinking about is ”how in the fuck can he like this shit.” Which will dry up her vagina faster than any shammy ever offered on a late night infomercial.


1. Mr. I Go Straight for the Vagina
Va-gina's are like your roommates Pringles; meant to be shared, but never opened unless you ask first. Listen, women want you to ultimately put your pen-is inside them, that’s why they’ve gotten naked with you. But jamming your hand down there says to them “It is not a matter of consequence to me whether or not you enjoy the sexual intercourse we’re about to have.” Surprisingly, when you only care about ejaculating on them or in them, it’s a pretty large turn-off.